


Remember the good things

by ColdAtomHeadcanons



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M, companion piece to Flash Season 8 episode 8, few missing scenes, misunderstood cheating/not cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdAtomHeadcanons/pseuds/ColdAtomHeadcanons
Summary: Ray does his best to be happy. He throws himself into fulfilling their mission, into making sure the timeline is safe, everyone is safe, exactly like Len did. He’s doing pretty well too, at least until Barry comes, finding him alone with Cisco and asks that.“Where is Snart?” The sentence makes him freeze, makes him look at Barry and his heart hurts again





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't keep this out of my head

Ray really thought he was doing well. His heart still hurts when he thinks about it, but in general, he doesn’t feel like choking any time he takes another breath. He doesn’t feel like falling to his knees anymore. He doesn’t feel like the world is shattering around him with every step he takes, with every unshed tear burning in his eyes. He doesn’t feel like he’s going to _die_ every moment Len’s not next to him, anymore.

Ray feels both, thankful and terribly guilty about that, because he has no idea how much longer he’d be able to go on if the pain was still raw. He is thankful for the time, months, years, the lifetime or more they spend on the Waverider, because the old saying is true. The time heals all wounds. It leaves a scar behind, scar over Ray’s heart that feels like no one else would be able to touch it ever again, but it helps. That’s where the guilt comes in, because this is not Len deserves. Not that he deserved to die in the first place, but even more he doesn’t deserve to have wounds, the hole left behind him healed. He deserved to be the constant reminder of what they were

_I think that’s supposed to be looking back at the good things, Raymond. To remember those with a smile on your face._

Ray can hear the voice in his head and he shakes his head. But that’s right. Len liked to pretend he doesn’t care in front of the other people, but he always made sure that the people he did care about were happy. With or without him.

That’s what Lisa told him too, when Ray came to her to tell her… to let her know about Len saving everyone, how he gave up his life for Ray and how it was _Ray_ ’s fault. He can still see it, like it was yesterday.

* * *

 

Lisa frowning, walking closer to him and Ray was pretty sure she was going to hit him. He would deserve that, he was sure, so he didn’t say a word, just waited for the hit to come.

It never did.

Instead Lisa threw her arms around Ray, hugging him close to her, her warmth, he smell, _everything_ so similar to Len that Ray couldn’t stop the tears falling from his face.

“Don’t be an idiot, Ray.” She whispered, her voice shaky as her arms tightened around him. “Len wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up for his choice. The fool always did anything he could to save the people he loved. No matter what.” She added and Ray gave out a small cry, his own arms closing around Lisa.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, over and over as Lisa pulled back and dragged him to the couch, pushing him down and sitting next to him.

“Don’t.” Lisa shook her head and smiled through her own veil of tears. “Think about the good things.” Only Ray couldn’t remember the good things, all he could think of was Len no longer being there, not for him, not for Lisa, not for himself either. The Snart siblings had to be children of a witch or something, because Lisa reached over, thumb running over Ray’s cheek, brushing his tears away.

“Like the time he tried to impress you with stealing all those wallets. Or the Wild West, you don’t even know how adorable he found your happiness. Or the dinner you two had on the Waverider. The stolen kisses, hidden from your team.” She said quietly and Ray’s eyes widened at that, because how could she know.

“He told me.” Lisa said, and Ray frowned. “After the Pilgrim.”

“But the retcon-“

“You really think he would retcon his own sister?” She asked and shook her head. “When he finally had a chance to tell me about the person he loved? Don’t be stupid.”

Loved. Len loved him. Ray knew, he always hoped at least, but Len never told _him_ , but he told Lisa, Lisa whose opinion was the most important in his life and Ray could feel new tears falling from his eyes.

Lisa sighed, reaching over, pulling his head down and hiding it in the crook of her neck, patting his back lightly.

“Cry now, Ray, but heal. Len would want you to be happy.” Ray could feel her own tears on his skin and he didn’t lift his head. Instead, he just rubbed Lisa’s back.

“He would want both of us to be.” He whispered into Lisa’s neck. Lisa chuckled in his hair and nodded.

“We owe that to him.”

* * *

 

Ray does his best to be happy. He throws himself into fulfilling their mission, into making sure the timeline is safe, everyone is safe, exactly like Len did. He’s doing pretty well too, at least until Barry comes, finding him alone with Cisco and asks _that._

 _“Where is Snart?”_ The sentence makes him freeze, makes him look at Barry and his heart hurts again. Because he didn’t think about this before. When Len and Mick joined them, a lot of things were different. One of the things being this thing with Barry, one that he didn’t break up.

* * *

 

“How could you _do_ that?!” Ray shakes his head, throwing his arms out as he paces the floor. “I have to find out from _Mick_?”

Len’s leaning against the wall next to the door, rolling his eyes and sighing.

“You wouldn’t let me touch you if you knew.” He says, his tone almost pouting and Ray has to stop and stare at him.

“Of course I wouldn’t let you touch me! Barry’s my friend! And now I… I…” Ray groans and sits down on the bed, his hands flying up to his forehead. “I cheated with you on my friend. I’m the cheater friend now.” How could he _ever_ look into Barry’s eyes now? Barry was, still is in love with Len, and here Ray is, stealing him away. Taking all the happiness from him, even though Barry didn’t have enough of it in his life, and Ray even felt happy all this time.

“You’re not cheating on Barry-“

“No.” Ray shook his head, pointing at Len. “ _You_ are. And I’m in the middle of this and… how could you? Do this to _me_ and to _Barry_ , to _both_ of us-“

“Raymond.” Len warns as he pulls away from the door. Ray shakes his head, because he has _enough_ of this, enough of the lies, enough of _everything_. He stands up himself and his hand curls into Len’s jacket.

“Don’t Raymond me. How could… maybe you don’t care, Len, but me and Barry-“

There’s a flash in Len’s eyes, before he’s grasping both sides of Ray’s face, pulling him closer and kissing him, imprisoning him in the hard and hot kiss and Ray hates himself just a bit more because he can’t pull away. He’s too weak, or too far gone, he doesn’t know, but he can’t.

It’s Len that pulls away in the next moment, licking his lips and looking at Ray.

“The panic attack behind us?” He asks and Ray frowns, but doesn’t say anything, instead he concentrates on keeping his mouth firmly shut in case Len tries to kiss him again. Len rolls his eyes at his antics and sighs.

“ _The Flash_ and I were never in some kind of relationship.” He says and Ray frowns opening his mouth but Len glares at him. “We fucked. He had too much energy on his hands, the girl he wanted didn’t pay attention to him and I had too much time. We met in a bar, we fucked, we went our separate ways. The sex was good, we didn’t get any for some time so we met again. That’s all. Fucking, no feelings involved.”

Ray swallows at that, too afraid to say something, too afraid to ask what he really wants to. But Len knows him better than Ray does himself, because he sighs, his hands fall to Ray’s neck, his thumbs brushing lightly over it as he leans his forehead against Ray’s.

“Stop that right there. That is _not_ what we are.” He says quietly. “I _care._ ” Ray can almost taste the word on his own lips, Len’s breath warm and so, _so_ close.

His heart jumps in his chest and Ray licks his lips, one of his hands coming up to squeeze at Len’s wrist.

“I thought about telling him.” Len says, hours later. “When we were about to happen. But there’s really horrible cell reception here. He won’t care, but I’ll tell him the moment we get anywhere close our time.” It doesn’t help, but at least Ray’s feeling a little better.

Ray knows that Len said no feelings involved, but just because that was how _Len_ felt, it doesn’t mean Barry had to see it in the same way.

* * *

 

Standing in front of Barry now, Ray’s reminded of that whole once again and he tries to push the feelings of guilt away. Because his guilt doesn’t matter now. Because Barry’s probably going to get hurt when he finds out, and Ray’s not sure he should be the one telling him. But he is, and the mask slips on as he tries to push his own hurt down, to stay neutral.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Barry. I forgot that we never told you.” He’s not lying, he did forget, he forgot about a lot in the past few …. in the last time.

“What happened?” Barry asks, blinking and Ray swallows.

“He sacrificed himself, and saved us all.” Ray can feel the mask cracking on his face, can feel his eyes burning, his throat going dry. Barry deserves to know everything, deserves to know what exactly happened. But Ray can’t tell him. The words can’t come out, they are getting stuck in Ray’s throat, heavy and hard. Ray almost feels like he can’t swallow around them, like he’s choking on them. He won’t be able to tell Barry, and he’s still waiting for Ray to continue. Ray forces his gaze up and up, to meet Barry’s and swallows. “He died a hero.”

“A legend.” Barry corrects him, but there’s something missing in his face, in his voice. Oh there’s a bit of sadness. How someone would feel when losing their acquaintance, or maybe even someone he could call a friend once upon a time. But there’s not a heartbreak of a lover, no tears, no screams, nothing like that and when Barry turns, Ray can’t stop himself. His fingers curl over Barry’s wrist.

“Barry, listen. Len… Len and I-“

“I know.” Barry says, and even _smiles_ at Ray. It’s a sad smile, but still one. “Lisa told me. Snart was right. We weren’t head over heels for each other, so I was glad when I heard. He deserved to know what love is. He deserved someone like you.” Ray’s heart jumps at that and he swallows around the lump in his throat. “Look, Ray, I’m sorry that he… but I’m glad he found you. I’m sorry you’re left alone, if I could change it-“

“Don’t.” Ray interrupts him and shrugs. “We can’t just change our past like that. If anyone did that when they lost someone important-“ He shakes his head and blinks the tears in his eyes away. “The consequences would be too much. We can’t change the past.”

“You can.” Barry tells him, and he’s not looking at Ray, instead he’s staring at the point above his left shoulder. “The Waverider would give you a way to do that. Weren’t you ever tempted?”

Ray chuckled.

“Of course I was. First months, I was thinking of nothing but that. Saving Len. Making sure Lisa has someone on her side. Making sure Len can breathe, can live even if I would have to pay for it with my own life. To have him smile at me just one more time, to-“ he stops and shakes his head. When he looks at Barry, he’s staring at him, like he doesn’t understand and Ray’s eyes suddenly widen. Should he feel guilty? Maybe he wasn’t… maybe his life isn’t enough if he’s not willing to risk everything for Len. But saving Len and destroying lives of other people would be just cruel. Maybe if Ray just tried to explain, maybe Barry would understand. “But we can’t do that. It wouldn’t change just my life. One can never tell how much of the time line would change. How many things they would be responsible for, good _and_ bad. It’s not, I don’t think Len would want me to do that either. He wouldn’t give his life if he did.”

Barry’s still staring at him, his eyes wet and red, before he looks down.

“People call me a hero, but they are wrong. You guys are the heroes. You, Sara, the Legends. Snart.” He says quietly, turning around and walking off, before Ray can ask what’s going on.

 

 


End file.
